How to Repair a Broken FriendshipSubmitted by: Selden Evangeline
Brought face to face in Twin Falls, Idaho, Lisa Fry, and Paula Turner, never doubted their friendship would last forever. But when Fry married, moved to New York and had a child, his letters to Turner, all of a sudden is not answered. "I think that somehow the evil?" Fry asked her husband.
Turner, in turn, was convinced that it was more important than Fry. "He has a family now," he said. "We're too different to be closer than before."
Fry finally had the courage to call his old friend. In the beginning was the awkward conversation, but soon they both admitted they missed each other. A month later, they met and quickly fell into their old habit of laughing and sharing confidences.
"God thank you, I finally took action," said Fry. "We both realized that we were so important to each other as ever."
There are good reasons to love our friendship. Some years ago, public opinion polling services research firm, Roper Starch Worldwide, in 2007 asked people to identify with one or two things, said the same. Far outranked friends houses, work, clothes and cars.
"A friendship is established a long history of experience and interaction that defines who we are and keeps us connected," said Donald Pannen, Executive Director of the Western Psychological Association. "It's a legacy we must protect ".
Ironically, says Brant R. Burleson, professor of communication at Purdue University in West Lafayette, Indiana, "the more friends you have, the more you will encounter conflict." And the result may be exactly what you want - an end to the relationship.
The good news is that friendships can be corrected more difficult. Here's what experts suggest:
Swallow your pride. It was not easy but that's what Denise Moreland of Hickam Air Force Base in Hawaii is when a friend became angry. For nearly four months had Moreland, 45, watches over Nora Huizenga two girls who lived with their father at the base, while Huizenga, 40, trained as a dental hygienist in Nevada. "I felt honored to be invited to speak," says Moreland.
When he returned to Christmas Huizenga, Moreland recalls: "I had a lot to tell, but she never called." A girl had a birthday party, but Moreland was not invited. "I felt like I was used to," he said.
Initially had promised to avoid Moreland Huizenga. So she decided to swallow his pride and let her friend how she felt. Huizenga admitted that she had been so worried about being separated from her family that she had been blind to what his friend had to help him. Today, she says, "I never found out what happened if Denise had not called me on it."
When a friend hurts you, your instinct is to protect you. But it makes it more difficult to manage the problems, said William Wilmot, author of the communication relationships. "Most of us are relieved when the differences are brought to the public."
Apologize when you're wrong - even if they have been treated unfairly. No one should be emotionally abused by anyone. However, in a friendship, even the best make mistakes. "A relationship can grind to a halt, if the offender refuses to take the first step toward reconciliation," Wilmot said "Under these circumstances, it may be preferable if the injured party has the initiative and apologized -. To the frustration, not knowing the circumstances of a friend When you apologize, give your friend the opportunity to admit he had screwed up .. "
Experts agree that one of the worst things you can do when you are upset is to start a fight. "We do not think clearly when we argue," said Michael Long, a professional mediator in Pittsburgh. Instead, says Long, asks, "What is not logical?".
See things from the point of view of your friend. Sociologist Rebecca Adams of the University of North Carolina at Greensboro and Rosemary Blieszner, professor of gerontology and family at Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University in Blacksburg, interviewed 53 adults who each have many decades lasting friendships. "We were curious to see how these people managed to maintain strong friendships for so long," says Blieszner.
Tolerance is the key, scientists have learned. Topics also does not let the problem is disproportionate proportions. "It 'amazing how often disputes due to a simple misunderstanding," says psychotherapist Anne Frenkel.
Accept that friendships change. In the spring of 1996, Cindy Lawson, 34, of Chicago, and a friend decided to co-organize the shower of a friend of bride. The two women agreed to share the work and cost. Then the friend, a lawyer, took a new job more demanding. All responsibility for the rain fell to Lawson.
Shower is Saturday, Lawson made all the decorations of the party, ready for dinner, then 35 guests. His co-host has not arrived at his office until shortly before the event. Later, his friend complained about the cost.
Lawson was furious. But in the end, did not want to break ties. Two women had a book club together, had many common friends and have dinner together with their husbands. Instead, Lawson decided to remain friends - but not close friends.
"Change Friendship to our needs and lifestyles are changing," says Wilmot. "It 'to get a healthy number of friends and, sometimes, move the state or the other."
Friends may sometimes make it seem easy, says Yager. The hardest part is to maintain strong ties with the ups and downs that affect all relationships. His proposal: Consider a gift of friendship and honor, and well worth the treasure and love.
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